December 2006 Shit List
Fines for ‘Indecently Dressed’ Muslim Women in
Yes, God save us from the people who think they’re doing God’s work. The Municipal Council insists that “it is to protect the dignity of our women”. Here is what I would like to ask them:
a) Why are they your women?
b) What makes you think that women need you to protect their dignity?
c) And how in the world is this crazy rule going to help “protect a woman’s dignity”? If anything, it’s an insult, insinuating that women are nothing but walking lumps of flesh and sin. So you’re saying that a woman with her knees exposed is immediately a person of no dignity? Eh, today, I showed members of the public my forearms. I must have no dignity. Here, I shall redeem myself by giving you money.
Hearing this, I feel tempted to make the long drive to Kota Bharu and run around in booty shorts just out of spite. Not that I own or would normally wear booty shorts. Ever. What is the big deal with women’s bodies? Even in the
James Bond’s Super-Aggressive Marketing Machine
Hype and enthusiastic promotion is one thing, but the super-aggressive marketing campaign behind the James Bond movie franchise seems more like a direct order: Watch Yet another James Bond Movie or DIE! In November, I couldn’t read a magazine, watch television, turn a street corner or buy a burger without something or someone telling me to watch the latest James Bond movie ….or DIE! And they even brainwashed one of my oldest friends into becoming a walking billboard for Bond.
“Have you watched Casino Royale?” she asks over coconut water and fried popiah one afternoon.
No. No. No. I’ve never been interested in the whole Bond thing. It’s always the same old thing: womanizing almost middle-aged dude in a tux, aided by a bikini queen nuclear scientist/ (
“This one is different!” my friend insisted.
So I’ve heard. “Good for them. But I still don’t intend to pay good money to watch it.”
“The new Bond is hot……”
Yes. I’ve seen the pictures of a very buff Daniel Craig emerging out of the wave in tiny trunks. Who hasn’t? It’s nice to see the new Bond being as equally sex-ploited as his female counterparts but “Yes, if I were to watch every movie with an attractive guy in it, I wouldn’t be doing much of anything else would I?”
“WHY WON’T YOU WATCH BOND? WHY WON’T YOU WATCH BOND?!” my friend screamed as sparks flew out of the top of her head. The promote-Bond-chip they implanted in her brain must be malfunctioning. Perhaps, they didn’t engineer it to meet with any sort of resistance. “HOW CAN YOU NOT BE INTERESTED?!”
Exactly. Oh no, is it possible, is it possible that there is a woman on this planet that can resist the marketing charms of Bond, James Bond? Don’t be fooled, Bond is the evil megalomaniac hell bent on world domination and I, well, I’m shaken…. but not stirred.
Stars of “Supernatural” Wearing Too Much Clothing
For the uninitiated, Supernatural is a TV series about two twenty-something brothers, Dean and Sam whose mother was killed by a demon when they were kids and now hunts all evil things that go bump, whack and muahahaha in the night. Now, Dean and Sam are HOT but on account of them being male, they get to keep their two layers of clothes on most of the time. Even during the rare times Dean and Sam manage to lose their tops, they manage to obtain a new shirt within 3 minutes. If they were female, I can bet you that everytime they encountered an evil hell beast at the start of an episode, their clothes would be ripped to shreds and they’d be spending the rest of the show in their underwear where the jiggle of a pair of boobs and flash of the butt cheeks is equally effective in fighting the creatures of the dark as say, a wooden stake to the heart or a shot of a silver bullet. There is a great injustice happening here – men have equal right to be sexploited in film and television as women do. Let us work together to free Dean and Sam’s pecs from the tyranny of heavy sweaters and leather jackets. They deserve some credit for the hard work they put in at the gym! ------- Maryam for S.E.X.Y.F.A.T- Society for the Equal Exploitation of Yummy Men in Film and Television
The Over-Abundance of Shopping Malls in
Oh, the sweet scent of consumerism! These days, one can’t trip over a pebble in the
Why does one neighborhood need 4 shopping malls – all housing the same old retailers – when there’s poor accessibility and limited parking spaces? Instead of building more parking spaces, why cordon off half of already limited parking spaces into “Privileged Parking Areas” and doubling the fees? Why can’t I find a spot to park in after circling the parking lot for half an hour, paying double the fees for “privileged parking”? And if the parking lot is at full capacity, why don’t they put a sign up at the entrance instead of letting us find out for ourselves? You know how there’s window shopping? Well, I call this “window parking” where one only looks at parking spaces without actually getting any. The saddest part is, after 30 minutes of circling a parking lot without any success in actually finding a spot; one is still made to pay parking fees upon exit. This happened to me in One Utama and I was told that if I refused to pay the parking fees and wish to complain, I can take it up with customer service on the (1st?) floor. Yes, but where shall I park my bloody car while I talk to fucking customer service? I can’t! Exactly. You bastards.
Alright, why drive then? Why not take public transport? Hahaha - public transport in the
United Malay National Organization (UMNO) & Malaysian politics
Things that UMNO is good for: state-the-obvious contests, demanding apologies, exploiting underlying racial tensions for their own political gain while preaching “racial tolerance and harmony” to the choir, waving traditional deadly weapons around and later insisting it was a “non-threatening gesture” (eh, Datuk, what if I wave a gun in your face? Can I tell your security personnel it was a “non threatening gesture” too?), plus many other things that would take too much time to mention. Why seriously debate and analyze the ways in which UMNO has failed and ceased to become relevant to the people it claims to represent when UMNO has become a joke with as many punch-lines as those knock-knock ones? Somewhere along the line, they seem to have forgotten what the letters in UMNO stand for; the ‘M’ could easily mean Menteri, Makan-Makan, money, moron, me-me-me or Macam Mana. Eh, eh, it can also stand for ‘Maryam’! To think that I briefly considered the prospect of joining Puteri UMNO – I’d probably be kicked out in a day for not “toeing the party line”. Bah, some of these people sound like they’ve been sniffing the party line more than they’re toeing it. By the way, why is Puteri UMNO being so quiet, allowing UMNO Youth to hog the spotlight? Aren’t there many issues facing young Malay women in this country that needs to be brought to light? Or are they just there to look pretty in pink so male UMNO members will have something to perv on at the General Assembly? .
*Note: Yes, yes, I know I’m not even a registered voter yet. Give me a break; I’ll only be eligible to vote next week, after I officially turn 21. It’s not my fault that in this country, we’re allowed to marry a deadbeat and breed, drive into a road divider, smoke and drink ourselves to death before we’re even allowed to cast a vote that counts. When I was in Form Five, I wrote an essay for English class which contained a comment that the teachers deemed “too political for a young girl” and was subsequently threatened with detention (which meant having to clean toilets) and forced to attend ‘counseling’ sessions. And then they complain that Malaysian teenagers and young college students lack political awareness. Why be aware of something that ignores you? Lagi syok sembelih kambing to rock music,
