What did Morrissey Tell You?
The more I impress my boss, the less impressed I am with myself.
All day long, for the past year, I write things like:
When others fail to make hard choices and walk their talk, we should continue to behave with integrity and be HONOURABLE. When the world outside seems dull and gloomy, our VIBRANT spirit should continue to cheer us on. When the ground beneath us shifts and others falter in their convictions, we should prove ourselves to be UNSHAKEABLE. And when the road to success is obstructed, we should PIONEER new ways forward. And when the tide turns and a new wave of prosperity rises, we will be ahead, riding the crest of the wave once again.
Wait, a minute, are we brave albeit misguided soldiers, going off to war in our sexy Spartan skirts? Alas, no. This message is meant to go out to fat, paper-pushing office-drones who sit at their desks all day playing Zuma and Jojo's Fashion House 2 on their computers. Everyday, I throw up in my mouth a little.
My colleague says she feels sick everytime she hears our Big Boss deliver yet another speech. The bullshit! The hypocrisy! The meaninglessness of it all!!!!!
Eh honey, if you feel sick just listening it, imagine the person who has to WRITE IT. The one that actually has to reach deep within her ass and pull this shit out.
And Morrissey sang, "As I live and breathe, You have killed me, You have killed me, yes I walk around, somehow, but you have killed me, you have killed me........Piazza Cavour ...what's my life for????!!"
Gaddammit, man, YOU HAVE KILLED ME. YOU HAVE KILLED ME.
And Alexander Pope wrote in some poem of his (eh, I don't remember which one), "Heavens! Was I born for nothing but to write? Has life no joys for me? or (to be grave) Have I no friend to serve, no soul to save?"
Or at least, no rock band to play in?
And Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson (why is his name so long?) sang, "They wheeled out my casket, they said, 'Boy, lay down your head', I said, Aw shit man, I ain't even dead yet, I won't be buried for I'm.........."
Gaddammit, YOU HAVE KILLED ME.
And Miles (Immatoolazytotypetherestofhisname) continued to sing, "Oh my friend's a real yo-yo, she's always crying and no one knows why..."
Cause YOU HAVE KILLED ME, gaddammit, YOU HAVE KILLED ME.
Dead people don't blog. Haley Joel Osment can see them. But they don't blog. So now you know why I haven't written a new entry since I got A REAL FUCKING JOB. I'm dead, man. YOU HAVE KILLED ME.
Well, not you, personally. The only reason I'm blogging now is because I took the afternoon off from work, popped about 4 painkillers, locked myself in my room and watched really bad YOU TUBE videos (swiftkaratechop, anyone?) and am feeling somewhat at peace. I started the morning with a little tantrum in my cubicle. I kicked my work PC and now my foot hurts. Also, I broke the mouse and this little flappy-plastic bit on my desk. The mouse hurts. My understanding female colleagues told me to take the afternoon off because I wasn't looking too healthy. I think they were just afraid that I might kill them.
WITH MY BARE HANDS!
AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.
You have killed me, GADDAMMIT.
I can't promise you when the next entry will come. Probably not as long as I keep cashing in those miserable pay cheques and enjoying my UNLIMITED OUTPATIENT MEDICAL BENEFITS and ABOVE AVERAGE EMPLOYER EPF CONTRIBUTION!
But I'll tell you this, if you get me a Camcorder, I will v-log for you every fugging day until you get sick of my lopsided face! Heck, I'll even start my own YouTube channel. Just for youuuuuuuuuu....
If you're still even reading this blog.
I quit writing.
You have killed me.
Dead people go on to YOUTUBE INFAMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(i'm too broke to get a camcorder. they don't pay me well enough. in the meantime, you can add me as a friend on Facebook, send me HUGS, and throw Ryan Seacrest at me. And if I see you on the streets, I'll punch you in the FACE)
Much love, rainbows and sunshine
Maryam
| Permalink
|
