December Hit & Shit List
December Hit List-ens
…………good music to end your year with….according to Maryam. Because this is my blog. And I listen therefore I like. And I like therefore I write.
30 Seconds to Mars – Otherwise known as that band that Jared Leto fronts. Wait a minute, isn’t Jared Leto an actor? Indeed he is. But he’s also out to prove that not all actors slash musicians end up down the Keanu-Dogcrap, I mean, Dogstar road to auditory hell. Historically and generally speaking, from a commercial viewpoint, female actors have a much better track record when making the transition from film to music probably because it’s not so much music that they’re selling but a concept I like to call “aural sex” – buy my album, listen to my songs and you might just one day a) end up having sex with me or b) be the sex goddess that I am (Case in point: J.Lo, Kylie etc…). Too bad Keanu never stuffed himself into gold-hotpants and Russel Crowe never cavorted in a music video with Ben Affleck – who knows what it could’ve done for their bands. Artistically speaking, most actors slash recording artists should just be slashed, preferably with a 16-inch serrated edge knife. Jared Leto or J.Le as I like to call him, however should be spared the torture because he’s not out to sell “aural sex”. What 30 Seconds to Mars offers is music, music that’s really not that bad and it has nothing to do with J.Le being incredibly pretty. Their sound is a powerful, driving combo of alt-metal / progressive rock, reminiscent of
Note to self: Tomorrow, I will learn the names of the other members of 30 Seconds to Mars. Hey, even ugly people have names.
The Faint – A bunch of guys from
The
Honorable mention for artists, albums, songs that would have made previous months’ Hit List-ens if I had made one (in no particular order): INXS – Switch + Definitive INXS, John Butler Trio – Sunrise Over Sea, Arab Strap – Monday at the Hug & Pint + Elephant Shoe + Philophobia, Pink Floyd – Dark Side of the Moon, Radiohead – Hail to the Thief, Twilight Singers as played by the Twilight Singers, The Black Keys – The Big Come Up, Jeff Buckley – Live at Sin-e, Sigur Ros – Agaetis Byrjun, Aerosmith – O Yeah! Greatest Hits, Kinky (both albums), The Bravery, Stephane Pompugnac’s Hotel Costes Compilations, Search’s Isabella (Malay rock song from the tight-jeans, big-hair era that would put Bon Jovi to shame), Eric Clapton, Patti Smith, Jefferson Airplane, The Clash, The Rolling Stones, Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody (because I never, ever get tired of this song)
Songs that I should flush down the toilet but I won’t: Madonna’s Hung Up (it’s my inner gay-man that just won’t let go. I love you Madge!!!!!!), Ashlee Simpson’s Boyfriend (oh god, I have no decent excuse for liking this one. Let fire and brimstone rain upon me now!).
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In a country where 5 movie tickets or a bag of weed can be bought at a cheaper price than a book, it’s sometimes hard to put your literacy to good use but it’s not impossible.
Book of December
Dance, Dance, Dance by Haruki Murakami – From the acclaimed author of Norwegian Wood, Haruki Murakami combines an offbeat cast of characters – high class call girls, psychic 13-year old drop out with a passion for 80s pop rock, a hunky matinee idol stereotyped in dentist/teacher roles, a one armed beach bum poet, an uptight hotel clerk and a bemused narrator in what on the surface, seems like a murder mystery. But this isn’t some silly Agatha Christie novel. The butler didn’t do it. There is no butler. Dance, Dance, Dance is so much more than that – what it really is, in my opinion, is a dead-on commentary on modern capitalist society and how disconnected from everything the people living in the midst of it are. The plot build-up is suspenseful enough to make you want to keep turning the page but as you take in more and more of Murakami’s beautifully written prose and witty observations that perfectly encapsulate the troubles of the contemporary heart and head (a.k.a. YOURS and mine), you begin to find that you couldn’t care less about who killed who and simply revel in the comfort that someone out there gets you and is able to describe that nameless, faceless issue that keeps you awake with anxiety at night in comprehensible words. Which is just as well anyway since plot-wise, the ending gives you a sort of “ WTF??! moment”. Don’t read it if you’re into stories with straight-forward, typically structured plots with neat little endings. Otherwise, it’s a pretty damn good read from the writer touted as the successor to Franz Kafka.
Honorable Mention: This blog. Hahahhahahahah. No. I’m not serious.
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…..And because we all need a little visual stimulation once in a while: The United Altered States of Maryam Current TV Favorites
House Season One (Tue, 10 pm Malaysian Time, Channel 17, AXN ASTRO) – Just when you think medical drama genre is getting way too tired, the good folks in Hollywood come up with House featuring Dr. Gregory House (played to disturbingly sexy effect by Hugh Laurie), a doctor who specializes in diagnosing mind-boggling ailments and diseases which lesser doctors can’t figure out, aided by a team of younger, recalcitrant brats with medical degrees. The ultimate anti-hero, Dr House walks with a cane, is addicted to Vicodin (“I have an addiction, I don’t have a problem”), uses the word ‘parasites’ in place of ‘babies’ (don’t you love this guy already) has absolutely zero bedside manners and more often than not gives basic social skills and niceties a miss. The charm lies in his verbal wit and the fact that he’s just a damn good doctor (dammit!) who does things because they’re right, not because they’re polite.
Prison Break (yet to be available on Malaysian TV, download it off the net!) – Michael Scofield is a yuppie structural engineer who one day decides to rob a bank and lands himself in a high security prison. Lincoln Burrows is a man framed for the murder of the United States Vice President’s brother and is currently serving death row in aforementioned prison. Now here’s the clincher: Scofield and Burrows are brothers and Scofield intentionally gets himself in prison to break his brother out of it. It sounds preposterous, I know, but it works and finally, engineers get the recognition and representation they deserve on TV (this one’s for you, Kay Jay), the kind of recognition that doctors, lawyers and teachers have long received, only this particular engineer has to rob a bank and land in prison for the show to be made interesting. Throw in love interests for everyone involve and a political conspiracy, don’t be surprised if you find yourself glued to your computer screen watching 12 back-to-back episodes of the series till your eyes dry out and shrivel in its socket (or that could just be me). It’s hard to blink while watching this series – one, because you just have to find out what happens (high-minded political conspiracy, gritty prison escape and emotional drama – in one show?! Talk about plots ahoy!) and two, because it’s so damn, ahem, visually stimulating. Wentworth Miller convincingly plays Michael Scofield with much pathos – you might recognize this fantastically beautiful actor from sadly enough, the Mariah Carey videos (It’s Like That and We Belong Together). This guy’s so damn good looking, you won’t mind going to prison if it means you could be his cellmate (I’ll stop right here. Ahem). Plus, prison uniforms have gotten sexier since the old days:
Note: If you’ve got a thing for engineers like my sister KJ does, don’t watch the movie Paycheck. Ben Affleck is as convincing an engineer as J.Lo is an anti-fur activist. Not good.
The TV S-Hit List: Desperate Housewives, The OC – Hey, just because everyone likes it doesn’t mean I have to. There’s no law saying that if I’m female I must be a loyal fan of these shows or I will be cursed with a penis for the rest of my life. If SATC was still showing, it would be in this category too. Together, they form the axis of evil. MTV’s Laguna Bitch…I mean, Beach, MTV My Super Sweet Sixteen – What do I care about a bunch of teenage brats with way too much money in their trust funds to ever amount to anything? Ah, maybe I’m just bitter. But seriously, what the fuck is wrong with MTV? That’s a statement in itself. The News – Depressing, depressing, depressing. And if it’s not depressing, its bullshit propaganda Too Many to Mention There’s a reason why they call television The Idiot Box. 80% of things on it fit the profile. The Forrest Gump of electronic items.
Saddest Ending for a TV Series goes to Angel. Why?!!! Why??!!! Why???!
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Since we’re on the topic of visual stimulation ……I just have to mention……….THE SEXIEST MEN ALIVE 2005 –
according to Maryam, the self-proclaimed doyenne of good taste. Note how I don’t know any of these guys personally. Which is probably why I find them sexy. Familiarity only makes the heart run towards the opposite direction.
JD Fortune, 32, new lead singer of INXS
If you’ve been a regular reader of my blog or have had at least one conversation with me in the past few months, then this man needs no introduction. I’ve written, raved and ranted so much about this ultra-quotable 6’2” package of Canadian rock and roll hotness, this blog might as well be renamed “The United Temple of Obsessive JD worship by someone who’s actually better off putting all this love and energy into forging real relationships but won’t because she’s emotionally-super-challenged”. If you need to be reminded of why this guy is on my list of sexy men, read past entries entitled: ‘Open Letter to INXS’, ‘Every Song in the World for Me’, ‘Does INXS need a Tambourine Player’, ‘So the World Thinks I’m Nuts’ and ‘The Aidilfitri Diaries’. Or just read all of my past entries. 80% (not scientific figure) of the entries here mention my man JD in one way or another.
Wentworth Miller, 33, actor (Prison Break, the young Coleman Silk a.k.a Anthony Hopkins in Human Stain, Dinotopia, Mariah Carey videos)
He plays a prisoner on his TV show and to put it in the cheesiest manner possible, I say, it’s got to be a crime to be this hot. Lock me up and make me his cellmate already. Ahem. Shit, I have to stop saying stuff like that. I have family reading this blog. Here’s a fun fact: he’s Hotness Incarnate with brains – he’s a
"I'm kind of a dork. I don't have much game. I'm not particularly comfortable in bars or clubs. I much prefer being home playing Scrabble, having dinner with a couple friends, going to see a movie, or losing a whole weekend to Season 14 of Law and Order or The Simpsons." - Wentworth Miller
Dude, I lost a whole weekend to your show.
Pint size Mexican actor with HUGE talent and one of the most strangely beautiful, expressive faces to grace movie screens around the world. You just want to put him in your pocket and take him everywhere with you (or I’m crazy. And beautiful, talented famous artists should stay away from me). The fact that he has starred in some of the best films to come out of Latin cinema in recent times, some of which are my all-time favorite movies, just adds to his appeal. With Gael, the admiration I have for him is as much for his work as it is for his looks. Gael was recently spotted in Hong Kong near a World Trade Organization meet looking not so sexy, like he just came out from a year spent living in the Bolivian jungle without a razor blade or bar of soap but it’s all good, since he was there to protest against unfair trade practices. Ah, my hero ……………….
Honorable mention goes to ……… Colin Farrell If Colin Farrell was a girl, his brand of sex appeal would probably translate into ‘slutty looking chick on a beer ad’. If I was a straight guy, I would probably appreciate beer ad models very much. Some guys are expensive pieces of steak while Colin’s a cheeseburger. Sometimes, you just want a cheeseburger . And fries with that. But I swear if he acts in another dumbass movie, I’m going on a diet. Jared Leto is not on this list. Gavin Rossdale would have been on this list after his ultra-sexy acting debut in
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My Personal but at the same time, General Shit List for December 2005
1. Turning Twenty – Twenty is an awkward age to be. You’re not a teenager but you’re not quite an adult. You’re just there but you’re neither here nor there. It’s like being the undead. Plus, you don’t really get up before sunset and someone out there wants to stab you in the heart with a sharp wooden stick for being such a bloodsucking leech.
2. Badly Sprained Knee – Sprained mine last week in a freak aerobic-dance class (a.k.a Body Jam) accident and have been limping and hobbling ever since. More painkillers. Pretty please?
3. Passports, Visas & Identity Cards (MYKAD) – “So began the monotonous business of chasing visas, certificates and documents, that is to say, of overcoming the many hurdles modern nations erect in the paths of would-be travelers.”- Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevara, Motorcycle Diaries. In other words, the whole business of passports, visas and identity cards is a bitch. Especially when you wait in line for 6 hours only to have the immigration guy behind the passport renewal counter telling you that your face looks bad and puffy in your passport photo. I’m sorry, am I on
4. Christmas Movies I’m not obliged to celebrate Christmas so I don’t really have anything personal against it like I do with Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Still, Christmas movies just get on my nerves. Almost every film of this genre seems to crucify decently ambitious, career-oriented people in accordance to their motto of “It’s charity and family that matters they most!” Oh yeah? How much money did you not give to the poor to make this crap? And where were your families when you were filming this piece of cinematic garbage? Bah! Humbug.
5. New Year’s Eve – Celebrations & Resolution Why make an impossible list of resolutions and celebrate the onset of yet another year of disappointing yourself. Yes, I’m in a grouchy mood.
6. Accidentally Lighting Your Last Cigarette on the Wrong End Happened to me 5 minutes ago. Not the first and the last time. I’m an idiot. What’s worse, I’m an idiot who can’t go out to buy herself another pack of cigarettes because her sprained right knee is being a bitch. What’s worse, I’m an idiot and a bitch that can’t quit smoking. With a limp.
7. The Controversial Islamic Family Law (Federal Territories) (Amendment) Bill 2005 - With provisions that may be detrimental towards women, this issue gets me so worked up, I need a whole new post to discuss this. Later. When I've calmed down and able to organize my thoughts. All I'm going to say for now is that it seems more and more that the country has gone to the dogs. Polygamous dogs with dibs on their first wives' property and assets. I might be wrong but in my opinion, this Bill couldn't be more un-Islamic.
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December is a time to reflect on the year that has passed and the year ahead. Reflect on this:
“Our most daily movements are like the passage of a ship on an unknown sea, and the sailors at the masthead ask, pointing their glasses to the horizon: Is there land or is there none? To which if we are prophets, we make answer “Yes”, if we are truthful we say “No”…….”
- The famously “cheerful” Virginia Woolf wrote in
Have a Merry Happy Christmas New Year. Really.
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